Saturday, July 21, 2018

The Indignities of Aging

Indignity # 1
For the first time in my life, I have poison ivy reaction--you know, as in "is this a bug bite?'
NO, it looks like poison ivy.
"how the heck did I get into poison ivy?"

Well, OK--I was weeding. And, yes, I do wear gloves. But I pulled out a little stalk of poison ivy, and it just happened to brush against my leg, near my ankle. Frankly, I thought nothing of it. Then a day later, I noticed a small red spot that looked like a bite. I put cortisone cream on it...but it still itched. And the next day, and the next.

Then another spot on my wrist, where I would have brushed next to the pulled out vine I also got a red spot.

DING!  Damn it! I got poison ivy. So I went to the medicine cabinet, and found the bottle of calamine  lotion. Dabbed a bit on ankle and wrist, and then checked the expiration date. HUH! 2003? Well, gotta get some new lotion.  I did ... and now I have a pink ankle and a pink wrist.

Indignity # 2
Continuing the skin theme, due to meds that I take (blood thinners), I bruise very easily. As in opening a cardboard package, the edge of which jabs my arm, which promptly begins bleeding.  All because I have "thin skin."  And the dermatologist doesn't help when he says--well, when you get older, the epidermis thins and you bruise more easily. Really? I knew that.

Add to that my rambunctiousness wherein I tear about doing chores in the house, or outside, and inadvertently bumped into something. Then later that day, I discover a WHOLE new bruise. Bleeding and bruising--what fun.

Internet websites don't help particularly. Oh, they're good at naming things--but the article title of "Weird Things That happen to Your Skin as you Age" doesn't exactly make me feel good. Thanks, WebMD...yes, I know it's being direct, but ease up, will ya?

Indignity # 3
I have developed a whole new power. I can predict the weather. With aging joints, and replaced knees, I can tell you when the weather is working up to a good rain. I feel like the Tin Man in Wizard of Oz--as in the musical rendition in The Wiz--"slide some oil to me."

Indignity # 4
Say that again?
I didn't quite catch that?
Oh, never mind.
Yup--another part conks out, slowly but steadily.
Thank goodness for shows the use subtitles.

Indignity # 5
I have developed a rabbit mind. Let me describe. I head to a room in the house, with a purpose in mind. On the way, I see something that catches my attention, so I shift my direction and chase that rabbit trail. Then I start back to the first destination, but now can't recall what I was going to do. So I track back to my first location, look around and then say "Oh, yes..." and head off again. Upon getting there (usually the basement), I see something else and take care of that--and then wonder, what was I coming to do?  Back upstairs, into the first room--look around and finally see what I wanted to do originally and do it.

Why do I say a rabbit mind? Well, have you ever watched a rabbit when you approach it. It darts off in one direction, then switches course, then doubles back, then reverses again.  That's my mind.

Well, at least I still have my sense of humor.

P.S. I forgot to mention my magical climate powers--I can go from hot to cold and back to hot again!


Anvilcloud said...

Rabbit Mind: I gots me one uv doze.

Murr Brewster said...

Oh gosh. I used to get poison ivy so bad when I was a kid people thought of me as "that pink girl."

Climenheise said...

Mine is "age-related macular degeneration". I like that: "Age-related". The optometrist noted three possible sources for the leakage of blood at the back of the eye -- diabetes, high blood pressure, or old age. I got old age. Incurable, from all I hear. (I hear also that you got it worse than I do, my older sister.)

NCmountainwoman said...

Oh, I am so with you on this. Fortunately for us, modern medicine has come up with some wonders not available when we were in our youth. Unfortunately for us, some of our aging problems remain unsolved. "Just have to live with it" is too often the phrase.