Saturday, July 21, 2018

The Indignities of Aging

Indignity # 1
For the first time in my life, I have poison ivy reaction--you know, as in "is this a bug bite?'
NO, it looks like poison ivy.
"how the heck did I get into poison ivy?"

Well, OK--I was weeding. And, yes, I do wear gloves. But I pulled out a little stalk of poison ivy, and it just happened to brush against my leg, near my ankle. Frankly, I thought nothing of it. Then a day later, I noticed a small red spot that looked like a bite. I put cortisone cream on it...but it still itched. And the next day, and the next.

Then another spot on my wrist, where I would have brushed next to the pulled out vine I also got a red spot.

DING!  Damn it! I got poison ivy. So I went to the medicine cabinet, and found the bottle of calamine  lotion. Dabbed a bit on ankle and wrist, and then checked the expiration date. HUH! 2003? Well, gotta get some new lotion.  I did ... and now I have a pink ankle and a pink wrist.

Indignity # 2
Continuing the skin theme, due to meds that I take (blood thinners), I bruise very easily. As in opening a cardboard package, the edge of which jabs my arm, which promptly begins bleeding.  All because I have "thin skin."  And the dermatologist doesn't help when he says--well, when you get older, the epidermis thins and you bruise more easily. Really? I knew that.

Add to that my rambunctiousness wherein I tear about doing chores in the house, or outside, and inadvertently bumped into something. Then later that day, I discover a WHOLE new bruise. Bleeding and bruising--what fun.

Internet websites don't help particularly. Oh, they're good at naming things--but the article title of "Weird Things That happen to Your Skin as you Age" doesn't exactly make me feel good. Thanks, WebMD...yes, I know it's being direct, but ease up, will ya?

Indignity # 3
I have developed a whole new power. I can predict the weather. With aging joints, and replaced knees, I can tell you when the weather is working up to a good rain. I feel like the Tin Man in Wizard of Oz--as in the musical rendition in The Wiz--"slide some oil to me."

Indignity # 4
Say that again?
I didn't quite catch that?
Oh, never mind.
Yup--another part conks out, slowly but steadily.
Thank goodness for shows the use subtitles.

Indignity # 5
I have developed a rabbit mind. Let me describe. I head to a room in the house, with a purpose in mind. On the way, I see something that catches my attention, so I shift my direction and chase that rabbit trail. Then I start back to the first destination, but now can't recall what I was going to do. So I track back to my first location, look around and then say "Oh, yes..." and head off again. Upon getting there (usually the basement), I see something else and take care of that--and then wonder, what was I coming to do?  Back upstairs, into the first room--look around and finally see what I wanted to do originally and do it.

Why do I say a rabbit mind? Well, have you ever watched a rabbit when you approach it. It darts off in one direction, then switches course, then doubles back, then reverses again.  That's my mind.

Well, at least I still have my sense of humor.

P.S. I forgot to mention my magical climate powers--I can go from hot to cold and back to hot again!